2008

Tonight is the night the world begins again.

Goodbye, 2007!

jiahui is...

angry. blank. bored. confused. crazy. depressed. disappointed. drained. exhausted. fed up. frustrated. gloomy. hungry. irritated. jingle bombing UM. lonely. moody. nostalgic. numb. overwhelmed. pissed. stressed. stuck. tired. unhappy. upside-down. worried.

and she is not looking forward to study the things she is taking this sem.

=(

Does the LORD delight in burnt
offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the
voice of the LORD?
To obey is better than sacrifice
and to heed is better than
the fat of rams
1 Sam 15:22

'回 头 是 岸' 是 对 的。说 '再 见' 也 是 对 的。听 命 胜 於 献 祭 ； 顺 从 胜 於 公 羊 的 脂 油 。

**
The Sovereign LORD is my strength

虽 然 无 花 果 树 不 发 旺 ， 葡 萄 树 不 结 果 ， 橄 榄 树 也 不 效 力 ， 田 地 不 出 粮 食 ， 圈 中 绝 了 羊 ， 棚 内 也 没 有 牛 ；
然 而 ， 我 要 因 耶 和 华 欢 欣 ， 因 救 我 的 神 喜 乐 。
主 耶 和 华 是 我 的 力 量 ； 他 使 我 的 脚 快 如 母 鹿 的 蹄 ， 又 使 我 稳 行 在 高 处 。
Habakkuk 3:17-19

how does it feel?

You came...
And you left

It hurts
To see you walking away
I was struggling deep within me
To hold back the tears

And not to turn back

Things are not the same anymore.

You and me. We are different.

And you have gone to a place I cannot follow.

neh...

Oh well.. it's like a dream huh..
Thank God that all went well. =)

You know what, they have this feedback form which the patients need to fill in on the day which they are to be discharged. And there's one question which goes like this...
"Will you recommend our services to your friends?"

Wah.. erm, I find it a bit one-of-a-kind. Haha..
So, if any of you need to be admitted to a hospital.. and so happened you are in Ipoh.. you may wanna give ISC a try huh.. Haha.. what the crap!

I should have brought something like a book or mp3 or whatever. But, just like all good mama's girl, I listened to her....

Me: Mi, later you go back home ar, pls bring the mp3 to hosp.
My mum: You crazy ar? You will be 'wan wan tan tan' (*blur blur) after your op la. Go sleep saje la!
Me: Ha? Really wan ar? OK la.. never mind then.

Later after the op, I discovered that I shouldn't have listen to her. Hahaha.. It's so boring there, plus the stupid tv is spoiled. Thank God for the brilliant thing called handphones. So I was busy sending messages... And since I got nothing to do, I decided to sleep early ler...

Hmm, thank you for all your messages and encouragements and prayers! Truly appreciated that! =)

Tagged by Bummer

Rules:

Each player of this game writes about his/her Christmas wishes. People who get tagged need to visit your blog to find out more, and then write about the same topic in their blogs. Player must state the rules clearly, and pass this on by tagging the same number of people. To tag someone, leave a comment in his/her blog and tell them that they have been tagged. Number of blogger to tag: Up to you. Happy tagging.

Now, my personal wish list for Christmas.
1) A more canggih camera
2) A nice handbag
3) A study bible
4) Hmm, good health *weeeeee...*
5) A new PC
6) A new hp
7) A pair of new specs

I’m tagging:
suitlin, adelene, melalyn, jason ho




**Hmm, can I continue with the wish list later? =)

random

This is not to promote the chocolate.
I like the word 'block' plus the 'ed'.
Yeah, so lame.. I know..

Alright, this is another lame thing I did. Well, actually there's a series of pictures and it comes out as a story. But right now I am kinda lazy to upload them. Never mind, maybe I'll do so later.

Something else..

Sometimes, I am scared ...
that I may be running out of time.

I don't know what is ahead. And I try not to be worried or fearful or... whatever lar.

I blew..
I saw..
I folded..
I threw..
Trains of thoughts
Filled my mind.

What if.. O' What if..
Will you be there with me?

HE never fails

Right vs Wrong

A lot of news about Hindraf and ISA and blah blah blah..

I was thinking..

What is right and what is wrong?
Who is right and who is wrong?

??

messy..

Outsiders won't understand that kind of pain. Never mind. Just forget about it.

Dinner was great. Eat, drink. Eat more. Drink more. It has been a long time since the last time I had a drink with friends. Haha =)

I'm not really in the right 'condition' or 'mood' to blog. Lately, I am having some kind of mental-traffic-jammed. *crap*

**
What should I do?

I really don't know...

I am in a mess...

too late

It's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late
-Timbaland, Apologize-

The damage is done.

funny how a photograph can take you back in time
to places and embraces
that you thought you'd left behind

Kenny Loggins - Your Heart will Lead You Home

life

After trying a few times to get a clear picture.. finally I got it! I have always loved the scenery here. Mornings and evenings. That KFC bucket is the only thing that kinda spoils the view. Some mornings, I would bring my cup of coffee and enjoy the time looking at cars and bikes and buses going up and down the road. For a lazy bum like me who doesn't like to walk much .. this place is the nearest one I could have to be alone and dive into my lala-world. I can see sunsets from here. Sunsets are beautiful. But I have not gotten a chance to snap a nice one. It's all about timing, isn't it? The right timing when the sky is clear, when the sunlight paints the clouds orange.. here and there a bit....

I guess I like the nostalgic feelings which only sunsets could give me. It's beautiful but it only lasts for a short while...

Life

Bring it on!

Come on, 4 more days to go!!
All I need to do is just to help them with some makeover thingy...
and they will be mighty glad and happy...
O' my little princes and princesses...

Oh my oh my...

***

Oh well, one day I shall put up some picz of me with the kids. Erm, actually it's quite satisfying to see the kids feeling so fulfilled after taking pictures in those costumes. They are a bunch of cute kids. But, they are kind of testing my patience. Hmm, I just finished watching Evan Almighty and there's this part where 'God' is talking to Joan, Evan's wife.

So, when we pray for patience.. does God just give us patience?
Or does He give us the opportunity to be patient?

Me: Alright, point taken.

***
Come on, 4 more days to go!!
All I need to do is just to help them with some makeover thingy...
and they will be mighty glad and happy...
O' my little princes and princesses...

Bring it on!!

Picz

These are Cheffrost's angels.. Muahahaha...

HAppy Belated Birthday, roomie Suitlin!! I was supposed to post this pic on ur bday.. but then... 'Snap..! My internet credit habis d.....'

I like this.. thank you, Panjang!

Cheffrost finally has a few pictures with his angels...

Me and my buddy, ai wei!

me and my buddy, ivan!

Me, Divya and Shannon

We are the CGCs... muahahaha..

updatez

Today will be my 4th day working in the Disney thingy. 5 hours a day. Dressing up little boys and little girls, bringing them to get a photo shoot. Oh well, I thank God that I am not doing Early Childhood Education. Haha.. Aww, dont' get me wrong. The kids are fine and I am enjoying myself. I guess the difficult part of it is that I don't really mix well with strangers -- adults and kids alike. It's pretty hard for me to erm, be super dupper friendly with kids even though some of them are quite adorable. And the parent-factor? Help me, man!! My first day of work was the talent contest event -- haha, I was in-charge of back stage thingy, getting the kids ready for the event. Erm, there were some mistakes here and there. But I really thank God that it went on ok. I was dead tired even though I only worked for 5 hours on that day. Haiyo, taking care of the kids can really sap out all my strength.

I tell you, everyday I can get kinda stressful when I am on my way to work (part of it is because of the weather ~ so darn hot when I am driving to work!). I will be thinking about the kids and the parents I am going to meet within that 5 hours, thinking about how to deal with them... blah blah blah... What can I do? Pray lor! =)

Well well, I don't think I should miss this out ... I think my supervisor is kinda cun... hahaha... Serious! He is so gentleman, friendly, soft spoken(he speaks very softly), well mannered. cute. i like his earrings. Ahhh, I don't how la to decribe. My boss? Haha.. I will always remember the way he says, "Wah.. if this this this happen, I sweat ar...!", all these come with the action of wiping his face. "Wah.. if this this this happen, die ar.. I tell you.", another action of bending his index finger. Funny and interesting people to work with. I think it's challenging to me because these people set high standards and quality of the work and services they provide. I believe that 'whatever lar', 'like that lor' and 'never mind lar' never existed in their dictionaries.

So much about work yeah.

I have finished the book The Time Traveler's Wife. Finally. Haha. Yeah, the genetic disorder thingy is memang tak masuk akal. But the love story... Ahh.... the love story is so .. erm.. beautiful.. and yet so kesian.. awwww.... =(

Some other updates...My bro is going for a school trip next monday. Guess what, he has already started packing his stuff yesterday. Oh my gosh! He is even more terror than me. I pack about maximum 4 days earlier for camps and trips, but he packs one week earlier! Haiyo, he is so cute, I tell you. =)

Oohh.. I am wondering how my MooLoo is doing. Hope it is fine. My aquarium of fish? My vampire? My Alien? Sigh, the internet connection at home doesn't allow me to spend(waste) time Facebook-ing.... neh... that's why I am cyber cafe now! =p

face to face

Finally I have the time to really sit down and blog about some things. To think about some things. The more I looked into them, the more I realized how all these things are actually linked together. By God. And all I could say is that I am amazed by His works. Those experiences, some are pretty pleasant and joyous, some.. are hurtful and they have really crushed me to the max, forcing me to see my true self. Ah, very often I have just swept them under the carpet. Sweep! Sweep faster! There are some people who always challenge me to come face to face with those experiences, especially the not so good ones. I tried. I did what I could. I guess most of us would agree that coming face to face with those not so good things in life is just like adding salt to the wounds. It hurts like crazy and it makes me felt like banging my head to the wall. *wah, is it that serious??!* Well, at some point, it is that serious.

What has occupied my life?

Face to Face. The theme for PKV 07/08. It has really spoken to me strongly about how I have lived my life. It calls me to come face to face with my weaknesses. Face to face with my brokenness. Face to face with my shattered dreams. Face to face with my mistakes, big or small. Face to face with the ugliness of some things in life. Face to face with the God who heals. Face to face with the God who never gives up on me. Face to face with the God who knows what is best for me. Face to face with the God who calls me to have dreams, having Him in the centre of those dreams.

I had a good time on Sunday night with 2 friends, WL and A.Esther. We went for dinner at a nice place, and spent the time catching up with each other, sharing stories about the things we have gone thru. Their stories is such an encouragement to me. What more can I say but to thank the Lord for His works in their lives and my life as well? Indeed, we will never fully understand the reason why certain things in life have to happen in a particular way. I am still waiting for that 'one day' when I can finally see the big picture God has for me.

She said to me, "God sees your heart. He wants a heart that yields to Him so that He can use you according to His purposes...."

He sees my heart. These words are strong enough for me to continue to step forward with the Lord. Strong enough for me to stay away from a life of sin and not to give in to temptations, and to clean my 'inner house'. Strong enough to tell myself to set my mind and heart on things above, not on earthly things. Strong enough to tell myself that I can trust in Him and His love.

We are coming to an end of 2007. I have always complained how bad or terrible a year has been, always hoping and praying for a better year. I still remember how I felt last year around this time. I am glad that this year it is different even though it hasn't been an 'easy year'. It is different because I know God is working in me, working in my family and etc, although I may not be able to see it. The Almighty God Himself is the peace, the assurance I needed.

Again, she said, "Indeed, this is not an easy road. But there is a Someone to help you up when you fall. There is a Someone to heal your wounds and your brokenness. It is much more better than the other road which you can walk however you want, go whichever direction you like. But on this road, there will be no one to help you up when you fall. There will be no one to heal your wounds and your brokenness."

It's so true. So true.

It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;

he enables me to stand on the heights.

2 Sam 22:33-34

someday

I am back from camp. Haahaa... It was a goooooooood one. And praise God for that! =)

Oh well, due to the slow-like-snail internet connection, I shall blog about some camp stuff someday. Someday...

Pictures? Someday ya....

some noise

It has been a long time since I typed something here. =)

All thanks to the slow connection in my hometown. It really dampens my mood to blog. I don't even have the mood to feed my fluff cowe. Oh poor MooLoo.....

Oh yeah.. I am off for PKV T.H.E. Camp tomorrow. Yay!

Potential

Alright, I just came back 2 hours ago from a fantastic outing with my roomie at KLCC and Sungei Wang. We went for this exhibition at Galeri Petronas. I felt that it is a good exhibition, featuring artworks by Malaysian women artists. Go here and find out more. The paintings, the photography, the creativity and the hard work they have put in... those artworks really gave me a 'wow' effect when I looked at them.

This picture shows some of the artworks in exhibition. I like that 4th artwork from the left. She used charcoal to draw and there are different layers overlapping each other to create a kind of effect. I don't know what effect people called that but it's very nice. Well, I could not imagine how much time they spent doing and how much effort they have put in to come out with such beautiful works. Beautiful and thought provoking, I would say. =)

Some quotes I saw in the exhibition...

In the relationship between art and society, it follows that if the nature of social, political, economic and cultural landscape changes, then art's identity and its potential changes too. While focusing on the recent memoirs as Malaysian women, this new generation of artists examines and responds to the transitional conditions and paradigm shift that in its description relates to the multi-faceted Malaysia domain.

The importance of these artists lies not only in the representation of the sheer complexity of their artworks - but more importantly their art conjures fields of visual experience outside any rigid boundaries of media - though irreducible from the processes and terms of contemporary art practices.

They examine the flouting of boundaries of place and persona, bringing together the various Malaysian psychological cultures and reconfiguring them to experience the complex hybrid nature of Malaysian society.

I somehow felt that this exhibition meant something more than just artworks. These are artworks coming from the women's perspectives about life, about the society and etc, voices which are often unheard of and are being regarded as not of utmost important, not very logical, subjective and so on so forth. There is one by Nur Hanim Khairuddin, entitled 'Tudung', it gives you one kind of scary feelings. But it is actually trying to portray that kind of struggles where truths are being masked. A state of voicelessness. I guess it's something like what I learned about Muted group theory. Aha.

Hmm, to quote from what my roomie said... it goes something like this..

"Potential is a very scary thing.
You look at a piece of wood, you can say that the piece of wood has a potential to be a table.

The potential of an object(or a situation, a person and etc) depends
on another being that defines it(him/her).

It's something like how we are created.
God sees the potential in us from the very beginning.
HE defines who we are......"

Indeed, only God knows the potential we have in ourselves. We may not see it. But HE knows us through and through -- how much we can do, how far we can go, how much we can bear and handle... What a comfort to know that HE knows me, HE knows my potential! And He will make me(a piece of cute wood) into a (cute)table which serves HIS purpose for my life.

Dreams

I found this in PostSecret this morning. It says, "Dreams. Please don't let me forget everything. I don't want to forget."

And later in the afternoon, someone threw me a question. "So, what is your dream? You know, dreams as in ambitions, goals and etc."

How to answer this type of questions? Enlighten me, will you? What kind of dreams are we referring to? Personal dreams? Selfish dreams? Erm, 'holy' dreams? Childhood dreams? Well, I guess the questions will be much easier to answer if it's worded like this...

"What are your childhood dreams yeah?"

Then, people will start giving you all sorts of standard textbook answers. Just ask a young boy or a young girl who is still schooling and see for yourself. Doctor. Nurse. Lawyer. Teacher. Policeman. Soldier. Air stewardess. Well, those choices may be socially constructed and are gender-biased. I am skipping that point(again). Whatever it may be, you will get a list of standard answers because that's what the adults are telling the kids nowadays(oh, not really nowadays. It has been like that all this while) directly and indirectly. I am not saying that it is wrong. But the main point behind all these is.. To be successful, you have to dream big. The bigger the better. The higher you go the better! People have been telling me this. Has anyone told you this before? Don't tell me 'No', k?

When you get older, you may start wondering..

"What on earth am I here for?"

"Is my dream(s) really that important in comparison to what God has for me and what He has called me to?"

Well, and not to leave this out. We start to dream for our family. Our country. I don't need to say much about this. I felt that sometimes and at certain situations, dreams for the family and dreams for the country are kind of like going against each other, esp when things are not going well in the country(don't tell me this is an understatement, please), and when the dreams you have for your country is nowhere near realization. I wonder if you could understand what I am trying to say here. Well, never mind. Anyway...

For the sake of your family, will you choose to leave the country for a better life?

Or will you continue to stay, believing that God is going to provide and take care of you and your family as you try to do your part in making the dreams you have for your country come through?

It's not easy. It is never meant to be easy. Some of us are very angry with things that are going on in the society, I know. But what are we going to do? Continue to lament and complain? I don't know what I can do with all the Education and Gender theories, Biology, Mathematics, and a bit of knowledge on Social Sciences which I have learned through the 2 and a half years of university life. But I just pray and hope that I can really put them into practice even though I may not fully believe in some of those theories. Making a change in school when I go out later? Walk the talk? It all starts with me. My heart. Let not the words I speak and teach be at odd with what I feel in my heart and the way I live my life.

***

Wait. Just Wait.
The greatest dream is perfected in the loving hand of God. A deliberate, expectant pause is all the invitation God needs to encourage us on... or check our spirits, preventing us from making the worst of mistakes. So take a deep breath, listen expectantly, and step out with boldness!

I wait.
Dear Lord, Thy ways
Are past finding out,
Thy love too high.
O hold me still
Beneath Thy shadow.
It is enough that Thou
Lift up the light
Of Thy countenance.
I wait --
Because I am commanded
So to do. My mind
Is filled with wonderings.
My soul asks "Why?"
But then the quiet word,
"Wait thou only
Upon God."
And so, not even for the light
To show a step ahead,
But for Thee, dear Lord,
I wait.
-Elisabeth Elliot-

taken from Bright Hope for Your Future, Heidi S. Hess

Well. What is(are) your dream(s) then?

I wanna show you this...

Okies. This is the BerryBlueBeaniePlant I blogged about yesterday. Oh was it yesterday? It seems like ages ago. Mind you, I am having exam now and it makes me go nuts. Oh well, I can't show you how BerryBlue looked like when it was healthy. All I have are pictures of it dying. Oh, not 'dying' but 'already dead'.

Did you see that? The roots poked through the gel! I am amazed. These roots looked so weak and yet they managed to poke through the gel, holding it together with the soil. The gel didn't even fall even though I was only holding the stem to take the pic.

Oh by the way, the word on the bean was this...

Faith

Mind our English? Or Manglish, perhaps?

Hmm.. the transcript and video clip on the interview between our Minister of Information with Al-Jazeera is pretty a big hit now eh. Just go google or whatever lar, you will be able to get the transcript and the video. Haha. I am trying not to laugh at him or/and his English. Abuthen... Ah..

Another thing worth talking about during your free time with family and friends (if you cared enough)... UM has dropped out of Top 200 in the world. All Malaysian universities are out. Dei sei? Padan muka? Serve you right? Erm.. Whatever lar~ We are always good in giving excuses. Never mind lar~

Something caught my eyes. Oh boy, sometimes I wonder what happens in the Parliament besides all the sparks and fires and verbal hadouken and etc. Missing MPs. Why lar like that wei? What are you for if you are not there to represent those who voted for you, to be the voice for your people wei?

I don know lor...

whatever lar~

d' weather

Hmm, the weather now is something like this. At the other side of the sky, the sun painted it light orange. Another rainy evening. And here I am laboring for my last two papers. I can't wait for the exams to be over. Tomorrow 5 pm. Yupz, that's it, man, I tell you.

My BerryBlueBeaniePlant is dead. Confirm. Just when I was happily celebrating the little leaves, oh boy, later in the day the leaves bent down and I know the plant is dying. Oh well. The plant served its purpose. I used it to study for my plant structures and functions. And I learned a lesson from this experience of growing a bean.

A precious lesson about tender loving care. The other one is this...

the LORD gives and takes away

It was the first thing that struck me when I saw the plant that was already half dead by then. How I mourned over its 'first death' and how I celebrated its 'resurrection' when I saw new leaves sprouting out a few days after that! I thought the plant is gonna make it to a bigger plant. Go, BerryBlue! I thought it will grow strong and healthy.I thought...

I just couldn't stop thinking about this...

the LORD gives and takes away

I guess that's what life is all about. Life and death. Some survived. Some didn't. Literally and metaphorically. We all live by the grace of God. HE knows what HE is doing.

social discriminations?

I came across this post. I am thinking the same thing. How many others out there are also being oppressed, exploited, and etc?

I saw Dr. Irene Fernandez' (Executive Director of Tenaganita) picture when I was browsing thru' some blogs which blogged about 10-Eleven Bersih rally. The picture of her brought me back to the sessions I went through during the 2 weeks of Social Work Exposure and Embracement Program(SWEEP), esp the one on Social Discriminations by Dr. Irene Fernandez. I remembered how she speaks with passion and hope, how she committed her life fighting for a cause she believes in, and the ups and downs she has to go through. It's truly encouraging to listen to such people sharing their life experiences and at the same time, challenges us to make a difference from where we are. One thing she said and it stayed with me.

If everyone is made in the image of God.

why social discriminations?

d' heart

Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
Prov 4:23

ABOVE ALL ELSE, guard your heart! A strong message on how our heart directs our thoughts and actions, how it defines who we are. Questions to a self-conduct heart check-- What do you fill your heart with? Where is your heart?

A heart of flesh versus a heart of stone.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees
and be careful to keep my laws.
Eze 36:26-27

Jesus sees my heart. And all that is within it. The good and the bad.

A broken and contrite heart,
O God, You will not despise.
Ps 51:17

I woke up one morning wondering what is ahead of me. It's scary, you know. And later on, I came across this verse...

When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
Your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
Your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Ps 94:18-19

and I know HE will never leave me nor forsake me.

Tak Nak?

I was wondering how effective the Tak Nak! campaign has been. Well, the government dumped a lot of money into this anti-smoking campaign to educate the nation about this, you see. It's just some thoughts which came across my mind over the past few days hanging out with friends. If smoking is really so so so bad.. why would people want to smoke?

"Girls shouldn't smoke," they said.

"She is so pretty and she looks good. But once I saw her smoking.. aww.. all my good impressions on her is gone," she said(he said).

"Eh, that fella is a Christian, right? Why la is he/she smoking?", someone said.

I have been thinking why smoking gives people such a negative impression. A sign of rebellion? Being defiant? Cool? Sexy? Equality between the 2 sexes? Argh, whatever. And a lady who smokes 'suffers' more comments from other people compared to a man who smokes. *Oh well, here comes some gender theories. I shall not dwell in it*.

Perhaps we are being a bit too judgmental about people who smoke. Aren't we?

Under construction....