clouds

Lihat ke arah sana

Serakan warna dan berarakan

Awan

Pabila terik panas

Segera hadirnya memayungi diri

Pabila kau dahaga

Sesegera turun hujan melimpahkan kasihnya

Pabila kau katakan

Akulah awan itu yang kau mahu

Begitulah awan nano

Setia melindungi diri

Tika panas mencuba menggores pipi

Dan bibirmu

Begitulah awan nano

Sering saja tak terduga hadir

Dan tak akan tercapai jejarimu

Kasihnya

Kasih tiada banding

Setia tiada tara

Bagaimanapun jua

Awan kekasih sebenarmu sayang

Walaupun tak akan tercapai jejarimu

Lihat diriku ini

Yang sesekali pernah kau bagaikan awan

Sehingga tak mungkin terlupa

Berikan belas sedari dulu

Sehingga tak mungkin termampu saksi

Setitis pun air matamu kasihku

Sehingga kau katakan

Akulah awan itu yang kau rindu

Akulah awanmu yang sedia

Melindungi dirimu tika panas mencuba

Menggores pipi

Dan bibirmu

Akulah awanmu yang sering kau rindu

Dan tak terduga hadirmu walau tak tercapai

Jejarimu

Kasihku

Kasih tiada banding setia tiada tara

Bagaimanapun jua

Aku pelindung dirimu sayang

Walaupun tak akan tercapai jejarimu

Begitulah awan nano

Setia melindungi diri tika panas mencuba

Menggores pipi

Dan bibirmu

Begitulah awan nano

Sering saja tak terduga hadir

Dan tak akan tercapai jejarimu

Kasihku

Kasih tiada banding setia tiada tara

Bagaimanapun jua

Aku pelindung dirimu sayang

Walaupun tak akan tercapai jejarimu

**

27.

Life has been super busy ever since the year started.

School events one after another. I have stopped my extra classes for a few weeks due to tests and other stuff. The recent week was the toughest. School replacement on Saturday. And almost everyday i worked from 6 to 6. what a record!

Next week is going to be the zone basketball competition in Miri. Yet, i won't be going with the players. I am hoping for the best and may all the time spent practising doesn't go wasted. And i will be heading for The Climb.

The stress at work can be pretty overwhelming at times.

I have got an unending to-do-list. and that includes covering other people's asses.

it's only march and 3 more quarters to go!

I will fight til the end! ROAR!!

If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out,

how can you compete with horses?

If you stumble in safe country,

how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?

Jer 12:5

**

There were times i gave serious thoughts about that.

I wonder if that risk is worth taking.

Moments like this is probably one of the weakest times a person can get.

Kasihku

Kasih tiada banding

Setia tiada tara

the Strength.

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

The Passion of Mary-Margaret. I call it the nun-book. hehe. it's not exactly a 'nun'-book but a fictional story about this religious sister named Mary-Margaret. A story about how she wanted to live her whole life serving God as a sister but then end up leaving the order and got married to her old time crush who became a male prostitute+drug addict........ haih, long story. :p

It's something like The Shack book. not the story line. but the moral of the story.

Although it's fictional, i couldn't help but thinking there must be someone in this world living out this kind of life - dedicate her life to God, serving Him wholeheartedly.

I kind of felt the goosebumps when i just started to read the book, especially when it comes to those lines describing why and how she wants to live her life for God, blah blah blah. How can she love her God to that extend? Don't we have the same God? How is she able to turn the bitterness in life into something that spurs her to continue her walk with God? As i continued reading the book.. she has Jesus as her Friend and she knows God loves her and she has no doubt of that.

I met up with a friend today. Although she did the talking most of the time, it was good. i have great respect for her tenacity in life, her passion for God, etc etc. she pointed out one thing - how we think of God shapes how we love God and the quality of relationship we have with God.

That's a pretty 'something' for me to think and work through.

We all like to decide our own sacrifices.

That's the mistake i always make.

fictional, yet real.

I need Strength to carry on.

wonderland

you're like alice in wonderland.

that's where you are

don't leave. just stay.


其实不想走

this is what i call 'surprise'

Waterfront, Kuching.
Dewan Undangan Negeri at the back.


i was away in Kuching from the 8th til 12th morning. we left school on the 7th and went on a crazy 6.5 hours of bus ride from LD to KK. The night spent there was - ahem, kind of pathetic, i must say. That's where i realised how homey my 'home' has been to me.

Before the whole basketball thingy, i wasn't really hoping to win big. i was just hoping that we at least maintain the 3rd placing. ok, i secretly did hope that we can win, or come in second in place and got sent as representative of the sabah/swak/labuan (SQL zone).

and then, there comes the news that only the champion will be sent as representative. haih. the chances is even slimmer because in view of the opponent teams and the girls' level... what's left for us? :(

whatever it is, i told them.. just go and see how things unfold themselves.

this is the first game on the 9th, against Sains Labuan, under the hot sun. our match was scheduled to start at 11 but it delayed til 11-ish and ended at about 1.30pm. we won 31-29.


it's not easy to be the coach. the students played all out. i have to think of the strategy to defend and counter attack. i have to think who to substitute because they got tired easily under the hot sun. whoosh. and that labuan coach kept shouting to his players 'PRESS PRESS PRESS!!!!!!!!!!!'

sheeesshhh.......

the first victory was sweet. a sweet surprise. :)

after the 2nd match of the day. we played against Sains Miri and menang tipis, 25-24. front row, the girl in front of the one with the ball was our 'saviour'.

we started of very well, leading the game with quite a few points apart til the 3 quarter. 20-18. 20-20. 22-20. 22-22. 24-22. at the last minute, we were at a tie of 24-24. I was practically shouting at those in the court, trying to restrategise to keep miri from scoring.

I was like, "How can we lose this game when we started of so well????!!"

And then in the last 15 seconds, the saviour-girl was given two free shots. She missed the first one. all pressure was on her.
second shot - YIPPIE!! she did it!!

and a few seconds later, there goes the whistle!

second victory in a day. Double the sweetness.
bad news, one of my main players sprained her ankle and we have another important match the next day.
sigh. the whole night i was thinking "what to do, what to do?"
"how how how?"

i don't have pictures of the 3rd match. we played against Sains Sabah. the points were quite tight, and the girl who sprained her ankle requested that i put her into the match. i hesitated. she said she can wait near the ring and shoot once she got the ball. and it worked tremendously well. we had a good lead by the second quarter until the 3 quarter. Gee, what's with the number 3?
At the middle of 3 quarter, it began to drizzle. the court got wet and slippery. the whole game had to slow down and that actually gave us great advantage. the opponents have no way to close in the gap and we won 22-14.

We knew we won't be able to win the fourth and last match, against Sains Kuching. We lost 14-42. Our aim is not be 'goreng-ed'. That score wasn't too bad, but it could be better.

after the last match against Sains Kuching. The students were happy. So am I.

All the victories were surprises to all of us, albeit we're still disappointed that runner up will not be sent as reps like those previous years.

we're prepared that this would be the end of our basketball journey for the year 2011 and shall do better next year.

We had a closing ceremony on the 11th night. By the end of the ceremony, that's when they announced another surprise. They have decided that the champion and the runner up will be sent to the peninsular in May for national basketball competition of all residential schools.
ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)

we couldn't believe our ears and we kept asking each other is that real.

all we can say is..

"PERCAYALAH"

at KKIA. a jump of victory.

there's going to be lots of hard work once the holiday is over. basketball trainings will be the priority besides going in for classes. extra bio classes. etc etc etc.

this trip has taught me to percaya.
believe and have faith.

let's age together

Holly:
That's a real honest to goodness couple right there.
They've probably been together since the flood.

Daniel:
We're so arrogant, aren't we? So afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it.
We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone.
Someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair.

lines taken from my all-time fav movie,
P.S, I Love You.

Goodbye 2010 and Hello 2011.

my heart

i am feeling kind of frustrated.
over a lot of things.

i am trying re-process and sort out all the things that i saw and heard in just one and a half day.

i have my hermit the crab with me, after a nice walk along the beach.

why do things have to be so complicated?

disillusions.

i can't see myself doing this kind of thing for years.

i felt i was being psycho-ed. i somehow felt that our personality is kind of similar. it's quite tempting to stay in the inner circle because you get the inside stories first hand. but i also saw how people are stepping on each other just to get ahead of them. they might not be wrong. it boils down to the survival of the fittest.

i don't like it.

... to be continued

in this new world.

Indeed, everything seems calm and peaceful here but there's a lot of undercurrents.

tell me how to build bridges and cross culture if that problem still exists?
I didn't want to think that way but circumstances and human behaviour pushed me to that edge.

Secondly, Teknik Pembodekan.
It's like sweet talking and i can tell you the cantonese terms you have for this technique.

You have...

1. Carry someone's big leg. So, if you like to carry your someone's big leg (particularly those with power and status), you are known as the big-leg-carrier. Nice name, right?
   
2. Polish someone's shoes. You will be known as the shoe-polish boy and you polish someone's shoes til they become super shiny.
   

You still need some skills to carry out the above two. Well, you need to have a sweet-mouth-and-a-smooth-tongue, and you must always rinse your mouth with oil.

People just like to sweet talk their way up, don't they?

what does He require of me?

He has showed you, o man, what is good.
And what does
the LORD require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

On a Sunday evening

'Do you think the way to tell the story of the Christian way is to describe its trials and tribulations? It is not. It is to name and describe the God who preserves, accompanies and rules us' - Eugene Peterson, The Journey.

Ebenezer.

Different ones of us have our own stories to tell. I have finished my second month in LD. And I am beginning to go thru' days 'one-month-at-a-time'. I count it as an achievement, a great leap from being stuck at 'one-week-at-a-time' for almost two months.

Because You're with me, I will not fear.

This afternoon I heard the tune of Amazing Grace. I woke up and realised that it came from my dream.

'Grace does not depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colours' - William Young, The Shack.

I have to constantly remind myself how i worked through the struggles and difficulties for the past 4 years that led me to where i am this day, lest I got entangled in the jimo-ness of being far away from the other side of my world and ensnared by the disillusionment which comes when things do not turn out the way we(i) wanted it to be.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than you ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I am still living like a 'tourist' in LD, as if i am doing a long term teaching practice in a place very far away from UM. It feels weird to be in a place foreign to you. A stranger on that place, no matter how long you are there or how familiar you become with that place. You know you don't belong there and you yearn to be back Home.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Sometimes you can't help but wonder how some people go through days doing their tasks halfheartedly. They expect people to take over their task, to cover for them whatever that was left out. They pay no attention to important things, yet they are always so into making sure that the trivial and menial stuff is ok.

Do not judge, or you too will be judge. The speck of sawdust in their eyes and the plank of wood in my own eye.

and

Where do you spend most of your time in your mind, in your imagination, in the present, in the past, or in the future? my jimo-ness caused me to spend a lot of time in the past. my anxiousness and the desire to be in control of situations caused me to spend too much time in the future. Am i really living in the present?

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of thornbush will grow the pine tree and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD's renown, for an everlasting sign which will not be destroyed.

this is how it has to be.

gain and forfeit

This whole week has been filled with meetings and basketball trainings in the afternoon. The training - so far so good, I go there to oversee je, since I still don't know much about training people for basketball competition bah.. sheeeshh

Classes -- it's quite tough to teach the kids bio because language is really a problem to them. I let them tried some objective questions and the best score was 20 out of 35 correct, which is actually quite low. Maths - alright, i think i did go too fast in some parts and therefore i am now slowing down and preparing them for the Feb test. Science - boleh tahan la, although one of the classes is a bit slow but still can cope. The principal will be coming in to observe me teaching next friday. adui. and then have to be observed by ketua panita and ketua bidang for all the subjects i teach. *pengsan*

This weekend i am going to cook pasta again. My housemate and i actually came out with a menu.. well, soon i can open a restaurant. :p bought some cockroach-lizard traps and it worked. A lizard was trapped and the ants that come after the dead lizard were also trapped coz' it works like the fly paper. They are stuck on the trap.. *sticky sticky*

Had a mini discussion with my form 4 kids on 'what does it mean to be successful'. One boy mentioned 'Beriman' and that sparked off this verse on my mind and i wrote it on the board.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

and this verse really got them thinking.

including me.

when the reality begins to sink in

most probably i will be celebrating the New Year 2010 in Lahad Datu and geographically, earlier than you who are 'stuck' in West Malaysia. ;)

i am feeling 'jimo-fimo-finding-nemo' now.
today was the last day of JCard day. my mum bought me a huge luggage. shoes. and a new toy (at least it can kill some boredom away).

this is probably the last batch of 2009 pictures taken in Ipoh Old Town before i start shooting places in Sabah, oh particularly Lahad Datu.

and this is my new toy.

this was taken half an hour ago.

when reality begins to sink it. sigh.

truth vs sham

we like lies
because lies approve the sham we are living.
~Rev. Jeyakumar~

I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
John 14:7

let's walk together

what if you have to walk alone?

Where i lose myself
i will find You're all i need

finding your self

they're in their own place trying to make it right

somehow,

we have forgotten how to walk the second mile.

cloudy and rainy.

i'm back from haven. Peacehaven.

i haven't really gotten the time to think about the past one week... to process whatever experiences i had... blah blah blah.

i don't know whether i have found any peace there but at least i saw some of the reasons why there's no peace. and i guessed those reasons explain the chest pains. the deep breaths. the restlessness. the fear. the worries.

where art thou?

just for a while

everyday i go to work ~ i will walk pass this to go and get my car.
at least it brings me a smile on my face everyday after i finished working like a dog.
being a waitress is not that fun. trust me.
i just don't understand how people can be so dumb.
whateverlar.

******
dreams.
dreams. dreams.
must i dream and always see your face?

If today was your last day

And tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

you nak some BM tak?

oh well...

Malam ini merupakan malam yang amat menyenangkan hati saya. Bulan penuh mengambang, angin tiup bersepoi-sepoi dan nyamuk terbang mengelilingi saya bagaikan malaikat yang sering berada di tepi saya. Ah, alangkah baik sekiranya saya kini berada di tepi pantai, contohnya Teluk Batik, Pantai Morib, Pantai Kelanang, dan sebagainya. Saya akan dapat menikmati cahaya bulan menerangi pantai dan merasakan pasir halus memenuhi celah-celah antara jari kaki pada setiap langkah yang saya ambil. Saya memang pandai bermimpi, sama ada mimpi malam ataupun mimpi siang. Memang cekap dan canggih-manggih.

Dalam dua bulan ini saya sudah banyak bermimpi siang kerana saya perlu menyediakan rancangan pelajaran harian. Saya perlu mengimaginasikan(oh dang, membayangkan) apa yang mungkin berlaku dalam proses pengajaran dan pembelajaran. Namun begitu, saya memang tidak terbayang satu hari saya perlu mengajar dengan menggunakan BM kerana pada pandangan saya, langkah untuk menrevertkan (oh dang, menukar balik) pengajaran Sains dan Matematik daripada BI kepada BM adalah tidak wajar. Good morning/afternoon Miss Wong akan bertukar menjadi Selamat pagi/petang/sejahtera Cik Wong. Saya rasa macam tidak begitu sedap dengar. Itu hanyalah perkara kecil. Jadi, tidak mengapalah, kan? Asalkan budak-budak bagi salam.

2012. Kesian budak-budak tingkatan satu yang saya kenali dalam dua bulan ini kerana mereka akan memasuki 'era pengajaran dan pembelajaran sains dan matematik' yang baru (ataupun boleh dikatakan lama). Mereka akan menjadi tikus putih! Dan saya akan mengajar sains dan matematik dalam BM. Kita semua akan berbahasa Malaysia dalam kelas. Banyak perkataan perlu ditukarkan. Photosynthesis menjadi fotosintesis. Oxidation menjadi pengoksidaan. Potassium menjadi kalium. Commensalism menjadi komensalisme. Saya tidak mampu memberi contoh-contoh yang lain kerana terdapat terlampau banyak contoh. Tolonglah, Tuhan, jangan sekali-kali meminta saya mengajar fizik ataupun kimia. Fizik bagaikan yunani bagi saya. Kimia bagaikan separuh yunani bagi saya. Separuh yunani ataupun yunani, sama sahaja kerana mereka tidak banyak berbeza.

Saya rasa penukaran ini adalah tidak logik. Sekolah rendah - bahasa ibunda; sekolah menengah - BM; tingkatan 6 dan matriks BI. Murid-murid terpaksa menyesuaikan diri dari satu fasa ke fasa yang lain. Mereka sedang bermain-main dengan masa depan murid-murid bagaikan bermain dengan pasir. 6 tahun adalah tidak mencukupi untuk melihat hasil PPSMI. Mereka ini memang tidak mempunyai kesabaran dan pandangan yang jauh. Mereka mengatakan bahawa PPSMI telah memperbesarkan jurang perbezaan orang bandar dengan orang kampung. Merekalah orang bandar yang berkebolehan untuk menghantar anak-anak mereka ke private school, international school, ke luar negara. Siapakah yang sedang memperbesarkan jurang perbezaan?

Argh, apa-apa saje lar... what-e-ver-larrrrrrr!!!!!

Ah....
Saya ini cakap je tahu.. ada apa lagi yang saya boleh buat?

Hmmmm... saya masih mempunyai 3 tahun dari sekarang.. saya boleh mempraktiskan BM saya dengan ...

1. menulis blog dalam BM
2. membaca UtusanM
3. mendengar lagu BM
4. mendengar stesyen radio yang bahasa perantarannya ialah BM
5. membaca Alkitab B.Indon
6. bertutur dalam BM
7. ????
8. ????
9. ????
   

Anda digalakkan untuk memberikan cadangan agar saya dapat memperbaiki BM cacat saya. Saya beraspirasi untuk mengajar setelah bertahun-tahun saya bergelut dengan ketidakinginan saya untuk menjadi seorang pendidik. Saya tidak ingin kecacatan saya dalam BM menjadi pembunuh aspirasi yang baru saya peroleh.
Sekian, terima kasih.