this January

practice makes perfect. 195 is an awesome number.





:)
test me test me.

and i am truly glad that holiday is coming SOON and i can get out from this THM place, although it's just for a week plus!
school -- i am so lazy to talk about school. i realized i have not been blogging about school since it started. OK, maybe i should give a brief update. i am teaching form 2 Maths (AGAIN!) - a boys-only, and a girls-only class; form 4 Bio; form 5 Bio. A total of 18 periods a week. Itu saje. I should be somewhat free but in fact, i feel that i'm busier than before. i guess that's life under the new regime.

whateverlar.

holiday is coming soon. and february will fly pass. and it will be march!
then it's going to be april and soon, may!
and then that's it!
*i hoped, no, i will ensure that!*

i am a rock star, baybeh!

LD says

"welcome back to this lake of burning fire"

**
8++ more weeks.
60 ++ more days.

**

to-do list

1. set maths final exam papers. let them die die die!
   
2. finish off the maths syllabus. one more chapter on Statistics.
   
3. rush my bio like mad! seriously. have to give night classes to cover the syllabus.
4. borneo paradise trip on next monday and tuesday. here comes the pirates! yeah!
   
5. next weekend - i will be in KK for some 'Perfect Score' program. the thought of 7-8 hours of bus ride from my place to KK makes me want to pengsan.
6. mark the bio PEKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my gawwwwd....
   
7. update the stupid 001 cards that are left blank by ALL the previous form teachers. darn it. what's wrong with them?!
8. go around to take more pictures to keep my sanity.
9. go trippin' with colleagues to mataking?
10. go lepak somewhere before i go back for holiday on nov 18th?
    

the best thing has to be this~!!!!!!!!

prepare to come home for year end holiday.
the countdown has begun.

Merdeka month.

You see, it's Merdeka month.. and last Monday the big shots officiated the one-month celebration of National day... *falalalalalalalalala... *

i am always the unofficial photographer.
It somehow feels nice.

the F5 boys.

the girls. waiting for the Boss' speech to end.
*so was i*

it was kind of a disappointment. so few balloons.
:(
*too kedekut bah...*

and i thought the flag will be released all the way up...
who knows, it's tied to a rock on the ground...

cheh............

There will be a night celebration on the 30th. Expected la. and i am the ah-head of the department in-charged of stage decoration. *boring*

maybe one of the days i should go and take picture of the bazaar Ramadhan in my school.

my job

6 and a half weeks more to the September school break.

the innovative and creative project is out of my hands. good. and some students just couldn't understand basic instructions and they lack common sense. it's an innovative competition and you are selling your idea. i told her to make the diagram nicer, draw and label properly. she returned the diagram with terrible labeling (to my standard), and she didn't even use a ruler to draw the lines and had to do it free-hand. what the crap. and since she doesn't care, i also couldn't care less. i don't have the time to chase after her to tell her to improve the drawing and labeling.

School-based assessment -- all the marks and grades of science experiments. sigh. i have to get it done by this friday. shucks. and i need come out with some awesome ideas on how to improve students' grades in science. more tutorial classes? one to one? more exercises? what am i supposed to do when i have done my part but they are the ones not doing their part?

this saturday is my school's parents-teachers days. lagi shucks big time. what am i supposed to tell the parents? tell the truth? tell some white lies? i am not good in this kind of 'socializing'.. haih.

i am seeing my job as nothing more than a job. don't know why it somehow sounds bad, terrible, and horrible.. :p

i am like ..

so sick of feeling sorry for myself and the darn place which i have to go back in less than a week's time.

the past two weeks was filled with dramas -- trying to figure out what is it that i really wanted; trying to make some tentative plans, hoping that will help me to survive the second half of the year.

some said i should wait and see.

some said i should be more impulsive.

i don't know.

****

For the 2nd half of the year...

1. do something about 4Z's Bio -- almost half of the class failed. probably will have to start a weekly tuition class.
2. do something about 3N and 3Z's Science -- none got A for the mid year exam and they are going to sit for PMR soon. probably should psycho them because they are plain lazy. sloths!
3. push the form 2 kids like mad in their Maths. And I shall not tolerate any brainless questions from them anymore. NO way. more exercises and more exercises. i don't care if you are drowned in a sea of math questions.
4. settle the innovative and creative project by end of July.
5. settle the loan.
6. find out more about the neuro(with/without Edu) stuff.
7. continue with the basketball training.
8. cook more.
9. do something about the stupid house.
10. LOOKING FORWARD TO MY HOME-COMING IN SEPTEMBER!

What a long list!

i will be pretty busy once the school reopens. key in the marks. evaluate the innovative and creative projects submitted by students and give ideas to improve. sigh. i don't like that. prepare for the soon-to-come in-house presentation of the biology department. shucks like mad.

i am going back to that side of my world so that i can come back to this side of my world!

the drama continues!

let me *tak tahu malu* show you the *critical* condition of that place

this is the toilet in my flat. the water heater is not working any more. don't even dare to try using it because i don't want to get electrocuted. check out the plastic bag up there...

can you see a huge spider on the plastic bag?

i don't know who fixed the plastic bag there but it has started to leak..

drip.. drip.. drip.. drip..

i forgot to take a pic of the pail and the cardboard wrapped in a plastic bag.

the pail is to collect the water.. and the cardboard serves as a shield.

sigh.

so much of interesting stories, kan?

drama queen.

'secrets'

i wonder what people will think of me if i really ..... yes, i am driven by what people think of me, to a certain extend, even though nowadays i always say that i don't really care. whatever.

i am not in my right mind. maybe because i am right-handed and therefore left brain dominant.
what the crap. i am talking nonsense.

i am being too rational and i think too much. and because of this gift, i am always afraid to take risks. and therefore cutting off my spontaneity.

i hate food poisoning.

i don't want to give up so soon but i don't know how to carry on.

we are all drama queens.

and i miss you. you were in my dreams.

i want out

sometimes i just don't care.

back in Ipoh!

After 12 hours of traveling with a good one hour break in Coffee Bean with ajw, finally i reached home at about 6.30pm yesterday. And the Ipoh air smells really good! *screams and jumps like a mad fellar*

It's so good to see tall buildings, wide highways, normal cars, etc etc etc. Like what i told some of them -- the feeling of reconnecting with 'civilisation' is beyond description. No offense when i mentioned the word civilisation. haha. until now i am still trying to explain to my self what exactly i am feeling at this point of time. When i was in the bus going back from the airport -- it's like my heart was shouting

'
this is where i belonged to ....

i am supposed to live a few years of my life in a place like this..

and not spending them in a faraway land without this, without that .....'

*ok, i think i was possessed and taken over by the insane jiaaaa when those lines came out from the brain cells* please try to understand how pissed i can get at times.

anyway, i am glad that another quarter of the year is gone. thank God. a few more months to go and i will be done with my year one in that freaky place. i took pictures of the toilet in my flat and i shall show you all some time later.

half a year -- i realised some things.....

1. how big the gap between this side of the world and that side of the world is.
2. i am not altruistic and i cannot be like that.
3. at times, i couldn't care less.
4. i chose to go for posting and that's why i ended up there.
5. i think too highly of my self. i don't think i can be what i wanted to be or do what i wanted to do.
6. i am slowly giving up.
7. i want to do something else. seriously.

Ok, probably the above are reasons why teachers get to have a long mid year break and a long year end break. hahaha :P

buzz off, bugs!

jia's going to free herself from the terrible-horrible-vegetable place for 3 weeks, starting this Saturday morning.

and i seriously can't wait!!

the house always has all kinds of insects-attack.. my gosh.. perhaps i should take pictures of how the tiny blackie bugs will cover the floor, the ceiling, the dining table.. *eeeeewwww* you can also find the darn stinking bugs that are seriously super stinky. garh.

The cockroach-attacks are crazy because they FLY! oh my gawd.. the cockroach in MC didn't fly that much. But the LD cockroaches are scary. There was once I sprayed Ridsect to it and it decided to commit kamikaze and flew TOWARDS me. Good thing i was fast and bent down on time.. sheeeshh.. of course, in the end it [has to] died.

i am ready to pack.

i am ready to go home.

hehe.

The exam results -- maths was ok. science wasn't good. biology was terrible. whatever.

and i just want to get away from this place!

;)

thoughts.

one week nearer to home.

happy.

can't wait.

mid year exam.

hope the students can do better.

a lot of papers to mark.

have to settle the border pass thingy.

guru bertugas for the week.

have to be in school by 6 and stay til 4.

crazy thoughts.

need to pamper myself with Ipoh.

:)

i need a break

i am sitting in my living room and i can hear the water dripping from the sewage pipe high above the toilet bowl *slightly to the left* into the pail.

*drip... drip... drip....*

One of my colleagues - she has an umbrella opened in the toilet so that the water will not drip straight on her body. I don't know how she secured the umbrella but soon i will need to find out from her. gosh man. what kind of teachers' quarters am i staying in??!

sigh.

It's my 5th month and i am finally down with runny nose and sore throat. probably due to the tiring one day trip and not having enough rest. the good thing is i managed to get the Math mid year exam objective and subjective papers done and sent it for printing this afternoon. thank You, God. Now i am giving a final touch to the Science objective papers.

I didn't know Harry Connick Jr. can be so gaya but to me, he is still the Daniel in PS I Love You. *this is random*

Sorry but I need to complain about teaching maths again *BORING* Now we have started with Geometrical Constructions. My god, it's another torturing class, not to mention me having sore throat and runny nose. They can't even understand simple instructions on how to construct the freaking triangles and perpendicular bisector. grrrhh.

3 more weeks and i will be home for about 3 weeks. i need to finish marking all the papers before i leave for home. hehe. and i can't wait!!!!

i need to calm down a bit

Be very careful, then, how you live -
not as unwise but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity,
because the days are evil.

Eph 5:15-16

*

Jia is going for the interview by SPP. it's tomorrow morning.
I have been reading about NKRA, NEM, and some other issues here and there. Sigh. I don't like the idea of reading all this stuff just to pass the interview. Whateverlar. sigh.

Tuesday nights is my math 'tuition' night. I am trying all that i can to help that few students who are performing way below par. It's not easy because sometimes i just can't understand what is it that they don't understand. I am trying. Real hard.

Lately I have been kind of losing my patience, especially when it comes to explaining the steps to solve the math problem. sigh. same for Science and Bio. It's been quite tiring, seriously.

Seriously, one day i might erupt like a volcano. I hate the word 'blank'. Gosh. The students always say,

"Teacher, blank..."
*which means they DON'T UNDERSTAND A THING and they have learnt NOTHING*

In my heart, I was like... 'hey, kid, i tell you what, another 'blank' from you i will make sure you feel sorry for every 'blank' you uttered and whenever you fill in any blanks you will so be reminded of the sins you committed in Math. :p

I need to learn how to punish the students, how to rotan them.. etc. I can't believe how 'nice' i have been all this while.

Two more weeks to mid year exam. I need to start preparing the exam papers. I will be setting the Form 2 Math paper 1 and 2, and Form 3 Science paper 1. busy busy.

I should learn to make the most out of all the opportunities i can get throughout my days here. I am entering my 5th month in LD. It's been interesting I must say, although some of the days were pretty terrible, horrible and miserable.. *aha* but in many occasions, God has been speaking 'sense' into my heart and head, and this is encouraging.

and....

Cooking saves me *from the hell of school work*

;)

in this new world.

Indeed, everything seems calm and peaceful here but there's a lot of undercurrents.

tell me how to build bridges and cross culture if that problem still exists?
I didn't want to think that way but circumstances and human behaviour pushed me to that edge.

Secondly, Teknik Pembodekan.
It's like sweet talking and i can tell you the cantonese terms you have for this technique.

You have...

1. Carry someone's big leg. So, if you like to carry your someone's big leg (particularly those with power and status), you are known as the big-leg-carrier. Nice name, right?
   
2. Polish someone's shoes. You will be known as the shoe-polish boy and you polish someone's shoes til they become super shiny.
   

You still need some skills to carry out the above two. Well, you need to have a sweet-mouth-and-a-smooth-tongue, and you must always rinse your mouth with oil.

People just like to sweet talk their way up, don't they?

something nice.

i should think of something nice to blog about. gah. that really squeezes my brain to the max.

school has been quite a disaster. some same old grandma stories about the kids.

probably i have been toooo nice to the students and they think i am easy to be bullied, or some easy piece of meat to take down. *roar*

i need to cook.

gah.

same o' whateverlar.

A quarter at a time.

it's another week.

I felt that at this point of time, we really need to rethink what is worth fighting for, and what's not. I don't have the answer yet but I guess i needed to do this kind of reflection so that i won't go crazy and become a psycho or schizo or whatever after just weeks of teaching in school.

I can only say that we plunged into this system carrying hopes and dreams that are too idealistic for the system to handle.

Some of us have gotten quite badly wounded in less than four months. Yet, we are talking about giving ourselves a few years before getting out of it. Perhaps by then, we will be walking out of it like a zombie.

I did some kind of simple 'survey' recently. There are students who are happy with their life in residential school because they wanted/needed the protection against the big bad world out there, and they have a predictable life, and they don't need to trouble themselves with too much of changes in life. The only thing which troubles them currently is ... there's only one iron for all the female students. Probably more than 250 girls sharing one iron. Unbelievable! My disbelief is not about the darn iron. My disbelief is -- they are troubled not because of the dull routine of life and lack of positive competition and challenges, but the lack of darn freaking iron!! Do you feel my frustration here? Are you getting it? I was quite taken aback by their responses. Sigh!

It has been a pretty tough month..

that's an understatement, obviously.

I have finished marking the papers. Bio. Science. Maths. i shall refrain from commenting about it at the moment.

I have a good cop and a bad cop within my self.

Isn't it scary?

in deep thoughts

there's always something on your mind

it's saturday and i need to keep my cool

OKies ... here are some of my 'bday' pictures and some other pictures telling you The Story in Lahad Datu.

These are some of the 4Z boys. They are quite good boys - hardworking, polite, cheeky at times. ;)

This is their dress code - black and white, during 'masa prep' which is their weekdays homework time starting from 2.30-4pm. Look at the big cake with nice fruits on top!

Here you have some of the 4Z girls and a naughty boy nicknamed Ben at the back. It's a pleasure to teach them Bio and be their form teacher, probably because they are older and they don't need to be treated like kids as much as the form 2 brats. Anyway, they are still brats at times. arggghhh. The week before the school holidays, i let them presented some subtopics of chapter 4. It was quite fun to watch them, esp Hana (the girl at the left of the 2nd and3rd picture) who did most of the presentation on Carbohydrates. She took the marker pen and started to teach us the types of carbohydrates, the formation and breaking down of carbohydrates.. lalala.. It was nice to watch, seriously, because it made me feel so encouraged in a way. Not just her, other kids as well. The best thing for me is to see students TRYING - trying to understand, trying to speak, trying to give good answer after thinking through with their brains. Their English isn't good, some bad, but they tried to present in English with some BM in it. it was good enough.

What's your favourite Form 3 Science topic? Tell me it's Reproduction! :p haha, i tell you.. that was the funniest lesson i had with the two Form 3 classes. They presented the subtopics and it was them who wanted to do the boy-girl way - the boys talk about the girls', while the girls talk about the boys'. hahaha. it was HILARIOUS i tell you!!! oh my gosh. am i tooooo cruel? oh no, look what have i done to the poor souls of 15-year old kids? :p

Ok. enough about school. ;)

This is the main road next to the wet market. The town is really crowded especially on Sundays. You can see people pushing the wheelbarrow everywhere, selling canned drinks, fruits, and some other stuff. Besides that, there are many young and old men selling 'duty-free' cigarettes of various brands like Astro, Suria, and some other brands with funny names from Indonesia and Philippines etc, all packed inside a black plastic bag. It's common to see children coming over asking for money, or selling plastics bags.

This is the Lahad Datu wet market. I was waiting inside the car and it began to rain and what other things can be better than taking pictures of people! ;)

Sigh, my laptop is aging and it's getting a bit senile. :p
I wanted to transfer the pictures from my camera to the laptop but it just refused to load. There's a lot of pictures inside the camera, some pictures of the Tawau trip or some other random pictures of Lahad Datu. grrrhh. i need a new laptop! and the celcom-slow-like-tortoise-broadband is really frustrating. :p

This was the day 1 rainbow. it's not that clear la.
And that's the runway of the LD airport, just nice for Fokkers :p

times like this ease the pain of wanting to be home.

one week away from the 'norm'

counting down to 11.15am!

it's school holiday again! *jump for joy*

gah.. but i won't be going any where la, except going to the town to get groceries, curtains, etc. Well, there'll be a huge spring cleaning in my house next week. The two rooms in my house are in terrible condition. There are spiderwebs, dust, old furniture and insects. That makes the rooms look like some haunted rooms where no one has slept there for a very very long time. Haih. Whateverlar.

I felt one of a kind when my housemate and i went to get Astro a few days ago. It's like it suddenly dawned on me *again* that i am here not for a short period of time, probably 3-5 years and hopefully not 10 years. I don't know why it can be so hard for me to get use to the fact that I have to work in a place away from home. sometimes i am ok. sometimes i am not. sometimes i can get really jimo-fimo-finding-nemo, especially when certain songs are played. Some songs reminded me of my days in 4th Kolej, some the days in MC, then 3rd Kolej... and some the last part of uni days which was my teaching practice in SA. in a nutshell, a huge part of me stayed in that 4-years of bittersweet memories.

Sometimes i came back from school feeling as if all my strength has been drained away, especially on the days which i have math classes. Everything turns black and white and gray. And you found yourself all alone in your world. Ok, such dull colours are mainly my problem because i set up walls and i don't let people in so easily. That's it. Well, the weeks after the CNY break has filled the lower side of my 'ups-and-downs chart'. It's getting more and more stressful in a way, whether it's due to work, or the adjustment and adaptation to the new environment which is not what i had expected.

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"
Jeremiah 12:5

oh by the way, jiaaaa will be going back to the other side of her world on the 29th May.

29th May!!! There's about another 3 months to go!! oh my oh my
*may i give you a
loooooooonnnngggg siiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhh?*

it's February!

i am leaving ipoh at 4am tonight, i mean 'tomorrow morning'.

and soon i will be back in the other side of my world. it's been a good one week break back in Ipoh. and i am looking forward to the mid year holidays in May-June.

what's awaiting me in LD?
basketball practices and competition. HKSBP. classes. moving to another unit one floor below the current one. school sports day. have to settle the Feb math test problem. have to key in the marks of Feb test for bio, science and math. settle the PEKA filing stuff. what else? erm, get the tickets to fly back for holidays! ;)

i don't know how am i going to do this kind of traveling for 4-5 years. *hopefully not more than that*

sometimes i wonder how am i going to face all that is coming.. how am i going to keep the enthusiasm and passion to teach.. how can i keep myself from disillusionment.. how can i keep myself from being so affected by the working environment.. how can i keep walking along this path and not be influenced by the one-of-a-kind attitude which we all know so well when we talk about teachers in school.. how? how not to be overwhelmed by so many 'hows' and 'don't-knows' and 'whys'?

Psalm 37.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him....
.........

it's going to be an eventful three months in LD with more stories to tell in the blog as i plugged myself in to the life in LD and when you see me face to face during the mid year break. there will be more building-bridges-crossing-cultures stuff to work on and creating opportunities of coming together building each other.

i missed my uni days
happy birthday, jiaaaaa!