i have reached a point where i am trying to figure out how the heck am i going to continue my life in that place.
i am kind of getting sick of that place. sick of that job. sick of living that kind of life.
like i told you, i don't think i can do what i wanted to do or be what i wanted to be.
half a year doing that job in that place has really pushed me to the cliff and i don't know how to move on - to jump and die together with the students and the whole system, or to retreat and get out from that place and do what i am really interested in...
and stop being the shadow of someone else's life, doing things i thought i could do.
people kept asking me about life in that place, whether i have gotten used to life there or not... i know they meant well but in my heart, i really wanted to tell them straight at their face - please stop asking me that question because life there sucks and you know nothing about that place and i don't want to repeat the terrible tale about that freaking place. i am angry, i am pissed off and this feelings is amplified many fold when i see how awesome life is back at this side of my world. period.
ah, come on!
i am kind of getting sick of that place. sick of that job. sick of living that kind of life.
like i told you, i don't think i can do what i wanted to do or be what i wanted to be.
half a year doing that job in that place has really pushed me to the cliff and i don't know how to move on - to jump and die together with the students and the whole system, or to retreat and get out from that place and do what i am really interested in...
and stop being the shadow of someone else's life, doing things i thought i could do.
people kept asking me about life in that place, whether i have gotten used to life there or not... i know they meant well but in my heart, i really wanted to tell them straight at their face - please stop asking me that question because life there sucks and you know nothing about that place and i don't want to repeat the terrible tale about that freaking place. i am angry, i am pissed off and this feelings is amplified many fold when i see how awesome life is back at this side of my world. period.
ah, come on!
3 comments:
Halo kawan....
I may not be going tru as bad as ur situation..but seriously, I'm also feeling bits and pieces of what you are feeling...
I'm in my own hometown but I'm not really happy....
6 months has passed by...
Will things get any better? I hope so...
Of coz, some things I go tru is different la...
the words "sucks" is kinda true for the past few months...i hope i don't have to use it anymore...
Hey Adrian.
i guess this past 6 months is like trying to find my self because i am no longer sure that this is what i really wanted to do for the coming years..
i know i shouldn't make any decision based on the experiences of the first half of the year working..
jeez, it's like we are not really happy with where we are but we can't really do much about it. *yet*
Hey mama,
First and foremost, I miss you :(
Secondly, trust me when I say I kinda know how you feel but in a different degree and way I guess. I recently blogged an entry entitled "Summit". God reminded me about the hard patches in life that I need to go through to reach to the summit. A lot of times we ask ourselves, "Crap. How in the world did I get myself into this pit hole?". I sense you're in that pit hole now. I want to encourage you to remember WHO brought you there instead of what you're doing there.
God brought you there. Hang in there. He's bringing you to the summit.
Will keep you in prayer my friend.
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