So long, fare thee well

There’s so much to say. 

I know you are in a better place, where you are no longer restricted by the disease. That you have been set free from it, and regained the life you had 5 years ago. 

But I don’t know how this is going to heal.. How to reconcile with the fact that we won’t get to talk anymore, won’t get to do crazy things together anymore, won’t get to go for trips .. won’t get to do some amazing photography stuff together.. 

Every time I thought of you, I felt so much pain inside of me. It’s just too hard to let you go. 

I should have told you earlier that I am really very proud of you, for standing strong and fighting til the end. You have fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith. You deserve the rest which only God can give. 

“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day..” 2 Tim 4:6-9

I really miss you. 

Sandakan

It was all 

unexpected love. 

The final month?

It's time to say goodbye soon.

I cannot stay.

Even though i don't know where i am going.

Stop hiding

A never-ending battle.

Once a while

It's the final quarter of the year.

I couldn't imagine how different life is going to be if things really turned out to be 'that way'.

Why do I always feel that He likes to take away my favorite things and watch me suffer?

you missed that.

really.

To You.

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart 

But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

***

I have many thoughts running through my mind. 

You are here and yet you felt that deep within you, something just doesn't seem right. You felt like you shouldn't be here, that you should be at somewhere else, doing something else. Living a different life. 

 It's funny how such feelings comes visiting again after taking such a long hiatus. So long until you thought you have overcome and finally be freed from it. You thought you are an overcomer just like how they always tell you to be. But it's always there. It has always been there. 

Who are you?

You are way too timid to talk about change. Let alone living out that change.

Who are you?

How can you leave behind that you, pretending that you never existed?

***

You are just a human. 

Stop being so selfless. It costs you way too much. 

rain.

there's no word to describe the state which i am in at the moment.

Fire.

blue.

taken at KK this Feb, somewhere along the beaches of Sutera Harbour.

i like this place. i mean like this side of the world. but not exactly this side@LD, but Sabah. 

i don't know where i want to be.
adrift, and i need to be at peace.