what you have in life

Another week gone. *and i am having mixed feelings about that*

I heard news which got me thinking about our immortality. Life is unpredictable and full of uncertainties. yet, we can rest assured that our lives is in God's hands.

I am not really counting the days/weeks left but it somehow comes as a gentle reminder by the people around me. Not a bad thing, though. At least I will be more aware of what I am left with and how to make full use of it *if can*.

There were many once-in-a-while experiences since I stepped into my final semester. And I enjoyed them even though there were some not-so-pleasant thingy in it but it's fine, really. =)

***

Watched Bride Wars this morning. I think it's a nice show la. Haha.. quite funny. Well, girls can be very terrible when it comes to fighting.. =p

***
there are still some things which i haven't settled.
i guess i should really start praying more seriously about it.

it's about this and that

"For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me,
and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you," declares the LORD
Jer 29:11-14
**

It has been a struggle for me. Not just over the past few weeks but over the past four years.
all this is because of pride and arrogance. and disobedience. and blah blah blah.
last night Ps. Julie shared a bit on the permissive will of God vs the perfect will of God. which one do you seek after? do you want the permissive will of God and yet miss out on the perfect will of God? well, her question really got me thinking.

i've been living in denial every time it comes to what i want to do in life. there's already an answer in my heart but i am just trying to ignore it and wait till the issue pops up again some other time. Going round and round and round. Sounds fun, huh?

that man said "you are like a flower in the wrong field and therefore it doesn't blossom." That was for RC but am i like that stupid flower, too?? No, i am not and i don't believe in that. God doesn't make mistakes. God didn't put me here for no reason.

Nehemiah prayed and sought after God about the work of rebuilding the wall. He planned ahead and had good strategies. God appointed him whom at that time was staying so darn far away from Jerusalem and not someone near/in Jerusalem to lead the people in to build the wall.

Pray-Plan-Position

i've been pretty jonah-ish all this while. i want a change. at least be more nehemiah-ish, can ar??

i need that ounce of courage and confidence to tell people,

yes, i am submitting the form
and yes, i will go for it if they post me to a school

i need that ounce of courage and confidence to tell people,

yes, i will be a teacher and teach in schools
and make an impact in students' lives
just like how my teachers impacted me.
cool?

i need that ounce of courage and confidence to tell people,

i felt strongly in my heart to do this and not that.
*even if there comes a day where i have to choose again*

i need that ounce of courage and confidence to stop telling people,

neh, wait and see.
i can still change my mind
even when the posting stuff comes.

i need that ounce of courage and confidence to stand firm in what i have decided and not to be a lalang.

well, so, how many ounces of courage and confidence do i need???

but at this moment,
i can't even muster 1/10 of it.

this CNY

back in 3rd college. going online at the dining hall. no key to go in to my room coz' the office is not opened... issshh....

that one week at home was great. i really enjoyed it although i didn't get much rest throughout that whole week.
day two at home -- worked. worked. worked.
then followed by the 5 days of CNY running around.
went visiting here and there.
met up with my f5 n f6 classmates.... ok la... once in a loooooooong while.. haha
well, that's the normal CNY stuff that my family does every year. gah... =p
but it's slightly different this year because i have my relatives from NZ with us. quite cool yeah.. =)

seriously, it's quite awesome to have the first day of CNY as your lunar birth date. haha. *bangga*

now.

the application form for posting is out

and i have 19 days to decide whether to send in or not.

i'm so excited..

it's been 4 years

and finally it's time to make the decision.

and it's going to be fun.

darn it!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's NOT fun.

at all.

Sitiawan-Pangkor trip

These are some of the pictures i took during the trip. hehe... =)

We just reached sitiawan. waiting for cm to fetch us =)

Pangkor island. One of the fishing boats. it rained on the day we were there.

CM and RC =)

trying to fly a kite

*******

i think this is the best picture i took during pangkor trip

=)

it's a wonderful trip!

my new little corner

i like it.

=)

a black mask

Well.. back at home in december..

this was one of the crazy stuff i did together with my sister.

i know we looked ugly. haha.

i don't know what else to say.

mum's been calling and telling me how different my house has become.

oh well..

i just can't wait to go home...

Greetings from Jiaaaaaa...

....
who is now staying in a faraway land...

She's now
sitting at her study table...
drinking chinese tea...
reading The Shack, processing some thoughts...
trying her best to go online, to open facebook, msn, email...
looping the same few songs...
listening to birds chirping and insects singing...
admiring the 'jungle' outside the window...
waiting for time to pass

and yet not wanting it to just slip through
like sand slipping off her hands..

it's all about new sem new room new internet connection

it's time for updates. i shall set aside any jimo-emo-fimo post and talk some nonsense here.

i have shifted. well, actually i didn't see that coming.

and so.. it's something new. perhaps, it's really time to explore something different from my two and a half year routine. to see some new faces and interact with some juniors. *oh yeah...*

final sem.

the subjects i am taking .. neh, not as interesting as the last sem. well, at least i have Human Biology to spice up my life a little bit. Maths Teaching Methods -- darn thing, so giler much work awaiting me. Geografi Perlancongan -- erm, i go there to sit for one hour to daydream to talk talk and daze away. PPP -- maths subject, ahhh... no comment.

my first week of class. whatever.

but i had fun hanging out with people. =)

spent a lot of time playing geo challenge on facebook while i was still in my old room. really. i can sit and play for the whole afternoon, whole night, whole morning. kept on playing until i hit the new scores yesterday morning before i shifted out from there.. and.. haha.. top my chart. so nonsense, right? but why???

it's because once i shifted in to the residential college, the stupid UM wifi connection will take ages to load the page, and that's if i managed to get online. so, i'm now preparing myself to re-enter the times when i had super darn limited access to internet. in other words, i have to re-learn how to survive without internet in my college room. Well, my room is facing the jungle side, so the coverage no good *darn*... and yesterday i can't even have a proper phone conversation in my room with CM. oh my gosh.. *_*

maybe that would help me to spend my time wisely instead of wasting it online playing geo challenge..... maybe i can do things like study more, do more reading since i have soooo many books with me, hang out with friends but not filling it with glib conversations, jog more, etc etc etc.. =p

i guess there will be more excitement coming.. and surprises.

tell me it's a good thing

i want(ed) this and that

there's so much craziness surrounding me.
tell me.. "you'll be fine, jia..."

changes are on the way.
temptations are everywhere.

i want(ed) to settle down with the idea of teaching in government school for the coming years. i want(ed) to do something different, exploring the things which are beyond my imaginations. i want(ed) my coming years to be something more exciting, more than the cycle of work-sleep-lepak. i want(ed) come out from what i thought i should be doing. i want(ed) a simple life. i want(ed) to stop swaying left and right every time people talk about further studies vs teaching in school. can you see my dilemma?

i felt the pain in me every time people talk about posting to schools, furthering their studies, etc etc.

i'm full of arrogance.
and uncertainty.