曾聽說有許多戀愛
沒有結果 卻剩傷心者感慨
令我都刻意避開
是我不敢相信真愛
但你不惜真心真意對待
竟令我再感到意外
讓我獻出全部熱愛 全面喝采

如果今天將失去眼前的一切
剩低清風兩袖也不計
唯獨你一個是不可給取替
是我生命裡的一切
如早知今生跟你有幸可相愛
在當初應更努力為未來
其實我知道是可一不可再
下半生准我留住你 一直相愛

誰似你這般欣賞我
誰也說不上你一般清楚我
問我可需要甚麼
願你終身交託給我
讓我一生好好把你照料
請讓我體恤你需要
為你獻出全部熱愛 從來沒缺少

唯獨你一個是不可給取替

**
an old song

'you are irreplaceable'
**

two empty benches.
one morning.

silence.

i always thought it was fun. i still remember how it's like. the awkwardness and not knowing what to talk about and trying to find a common topic. in fact, i kinda liked it just like that. just being there with one another. quiet and yet you know that you are safe. you are protected. nothing will go wrong. even if anything went wrong, you know that you are not alone.

i always thought it was fun. until now.

i hate that i can't make myself to kick you out of my life. yes, it's you.

the silence that was once interesting and heart-warming has become a thing that irritates me and it's slowly eating me away...

i hate you.

these little things...

You were there.
Alert
Yet trembling.
I came near.
But you chose to run away
To hide.

I saw fear in your eyes.

I thought I could carry you to somewhere safer but you ran away from me as I drew closer.....

*****

i saw a kitten at library car park when i was on the way back to my little room...
poor thing...
i don't know what will happen to it.
and i began to imagine the worst -- knocked down by drivers who are blind... kicked and hit by some stupid anti-feline fellas... fell into drains and the big drain that looks like a river... starved to death... bitten by larger animals... garh, i always think about the worst case senario. =(

but on the other hand, maybe the mama cat found the kitten and then you have the 'happy family ending'... maybe some nice people adopted it and fed it... maybe it befriended a squirrel then they take care of each other where the squirrel learns to meow while the kitten learns to climb up and down... and now you know i have a thing for cats and kittens ha.. =)

today is a good day. i mean, kinda happy. although it's still one kind and i'm still breathing in the jimo-ness. although i have to rush my assignment. although i fought with rachel. *ahem*. although this. although that. although you were there but you weren't really there.

i felt like 'you' now.

smiles that are wet with tears.

time

yesterday.
a few days ago.
a few nights ago.
10 months ago.
4 years ago.
7 years ago.

2 more years.
They are now like ashes.
The wind blows.
And it's gone.

When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

"Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."

Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."

John 5:6-8

38 years. perhaps he was 'comfortable' in his misery.
I have been thinking about Jesus' question.

'Do you want to get well?'

this is for you.

mianhada,
saranghanda

Little by little, on this path,
comes the season
when I had to let you go

i don't know why i have become like that. i don't know why my answers to those questions are always the same for the freaking 3 years plus. i can only gave the same answers every time we met. ok la, like that la, bearable la, nothing much la, still the same la.. blah blah blah... and FULL STOP. it really makes me super frustrated. i don't know how to tell you the things that had happened, the good and bad i have gone through, and how these things have changed me, affected me, paralyzed me, and even 'killed' me. time and distance do separate people. and on the other hand, my unwillingness to open up and be vulnerable just makes the matter worse. perhaps this is something i need to handle on my own. i don't think i can find my heart anymore because i have traded it with something. somewhere. some time ago. oh well, i should just continue with my 'whatever' attitude, take whatever you are served, think less about worse case senarios, be more forgetful (and forgiving if can, esp to my own self). and make life a little bit happier. i think that's all i can say at this point of life. highland or valley, they don't matter much. the thing is, do i really know who is the one beside me? do i really know the one who has been with me all this while, the one who has been my help thus far?? or am i still looking high and low for someone else? =(

i'm ....

I'm not...broke
I'm just a broken hearted man,

I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on
when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
~The Man Who Can't Be Moved, The Script~

........

i'm back. here.
i'm wasting my time.